Busted Belly Button

A few days ago a friend of mine awoke to the alarm clock that is her 11 month old son. It was morning, he was awake. He needed a diaper change and out of that crib.

As my friend was changing him she was startled to see a gooey white crystal and gelatinous substance on his belly, and crusted in his belly button. Since she is a neurotic mother, she naturally assumed his belly button had exploded, exposing his intestines, or whatever is behind the belly button. She screamed for her husband and together they decided to collect the goo in Tupperware to bring it with them to the hospital.

As they were preparing to go to the hospital they called the doctor. That's when the nurse pointed out that his diaper had broken over night, exposing the gelatin and crystal mix that absorbs the urine inside the diaper.

I cant help but think I would have had the exact same reaction. Who has ever heard of a diaper ripping? And who knew there was anything but cotton in there?

I did a little research and found that this is actually quite a common concern and plenty of frantic moms have posted on Yahoo message boards about their babies having crystals in their diapers.

I'm filing this away so that one day I don't freak out when my own child poops crystal.

Driving Miss Crazy

My husband is in a band, and they practice after work two nights a week. I am nervous every night until he gets home. But Thursday nights in particular really make me nervous. After a long four days of work, he's tired, and it's dark out. Add to this the fact that more people go out on Thursday nights, which means the number of tipsy drivers increases. Tonight is particularly concerning because there is a Patriots game-- even more crazy drivers on the road.

Ed's work is only 8 miles from home, and his band's practice space is a mile closer to home than that. That means later tonight he will travel 7 miles, on mostly back roads. A short and safe drive, right? Wrong. Check out this survey on Insurance.com, "where accidents occur most" . Now, I haven't done math since "Probabilty and Statistics for the Liberal Arts Major" 12 years ago, but I think this chart means that Ed has a 70 percent chance of getting in an accident whenever he drives home.

I'm so vein

This morning as I was applying lotion to my legs I noticed really visible veins in my legs. They are not yet bumpy or raised, but I can see how they might get there. Later at work, I felt like my legs were throbbing. I googled varicose veins and discovered they are hereditary (my aunt had them), and as much as 20 percent of the female population gets them.

I went to my favorite resource on the Web-- MayoClinic.com and am now writing this with my legs elevated above my heart. Nice, an excuse for lying on the couch at 7:30.

How it began

I blame my mother. Actually, "blame" may not be the right word since my mother takes great pride and pleasure in my neurosis. I worry; she thinks, "my job is done."

When I was in college, my brother was in law school and my sister was about to graduate first in her high school class. My mother tied a ribbon around all the beds in our house. "To ward off bad thoughts from others," she said. I had always thought we were liked enough in the community, so this step seemed peculiar. Whenever life is going really well my mother is certain something bad will happen. After 31 years of study I have perfected her thought process.

I am happy. I am happily married to a great man, who just happens to be using paint thinner to clean up our recently painted and expanded closet. He is working in a tight space (the closet). What if he inhales too much paint thinner? How much paint thinner can you inhale before your lungs bleed? If his lungs were bleeding I would call an ambulance. The hospital isn't too far away. This is my thought process.

When I am worried I often turn to the Internet. I just looked up "inhaling paint thinner" and I learned from Wikipedia that you should not drive a car after inhaling paint thinner. Luckily, we are in for the night. It doesn't say anything about bleeding lungs. It looks like I made that up.